As I am nearing completion of my 12-week Intensive Outpatient Program I feel compelled to step back, reflect, and extend my appreciation to all who have guided me through my recovery at St. Joe’s. It has been exciting, and challenging, to be a participant in this pilot program. Rudy, one of my facilitators, has been inclined to say that we are building our airplane while up in the air. I believe I can speak for my colleagues in the program that we are all so happy to be part of this “launch!”

I intuitively knew St. Joe’s was for me from the moment I walked through the doors, and I have never wavered. I have come to appreciate just how layered the care is here, from our housekeeping staff to administrative staff, to clinical staff, BHT’s, nurse practitioners, case management, security. I could go on and on.

Upon leaving a 40-day stay in Residential I became aware of just how tender, how vulnerable I was. These emotions surprised me, for the Residential experience was extremely fortifying. I left here with tools, with resolve, with a hunger and a wonder for what might lie ahead for me. However, my landing at home was extremely rough. I had damaged tender relationships, shattered trust, pulled the rug out from beneath my family. I could hardly breathe at times. I needed IOP-in a very deep way. And as we know, it was not easy to get me into this program. I held my breath for days, praying for this opportunity to fortify my recovery, while Heather, Justin, Chloe and Donna worked to make this program possible for me.

Once here I was astonished to see just what Rudy, Ellisha, and everyone else here were creating-and I dove in: into the work, into the camaraderie, into the weaving together of our IOP family. I feel loved by everyone in my group, and I reciprocate fully.

I would like to pivot to a very personal note. I have done a fair amount of therapeutic work in my lifetime, working to unravel the knots of deep trauma, wounds, addictions. I thought I had uncovered it all-through individual therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, group therapy, EMDR. Yet right here, in this room, in the loving care of Rudy and my classmates I made a critical, seminal breakthrough. Rudy led me into the territory, and this group encouraged my breakthrough. They held me, treasured me. I too have been a part of others’ breakthroughs, “aha moments,” watched marriages deepen, friendships develop and deepen. We could not ask for a richer experience.

And then there is the joy, the laughter-such comfort, such a balm, as we address this difficult work-discerning the roots of our addictions and pain. A day does not pass when someone doesn’t bring in an offering: Pop Tarts, Mountain Dew, coffee, candy, fruit, biscuits. Once again, we could not ask for more.

I also want to acknowledge everyone behind the scenes of our Intensive Outpatient Program. The screenings, the paperwork, the gestures that the St. Joe’s community makes to secure our recovery. At 8 A.M. without fail the doors open, and we are greeted with care, and with respect. Mark makes sure we feel safe-no real growth takes place without that sense of safety in place. I deeply appreciate each and every one of these efforts.

I hope to remain linked to St. Joes. Is Outpatient Therapy my next step? I’m not certain. What I do know is that I have a resolve to live a purpose-driven life. Will I return to teaching, or does God have another plan for me? What I do know is that I absolutely have St. Joe’s to thank for all of it.

Someone told me early on in my work here that recovery from addiction is like riding a bicycle uphill. I must continue to work lest the gravitational pull of addiction overpowers my resolve. It’s a powerful image-and a potent message. I cannot say I am grateful for the relapse that led me to St. Joe’s, but I certainly am filled with gratitude for all that has followed.

Gina V